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To Lightning:
You were my enemy and my friend for the exact same reasons.

To Sound:
The only time I didn't listen to your brother is when I fell in love with you.

And don't get mad at him. He said "don't" for both of us, even if only I, ironically, heard it.

Back then, I wasn't the kind that liked to share. You couldn't get enough of it.

Though, despite the painful ending, you were one of my favorite chapters.

To Nature:
My darling, while not your only dimension, you are the mistress of colors.

You've owned my heart forever, and only I know what forever means. But I settled with your friendship instead.

You were a dream in many a sense.

To Darkness and Moon:
You both kept my eyes open for different reasons, but alas, both reasons were birthed from imagination.

One of you reminded me there was something to teach, and one of you reminded me of how I would teach it.

To Water:
You were indecisive, schizophrenic, bi-polar, emotional, passionate, anxious and lost. Sometimes I wonder if you were the only one of us that was sane.

And then I remember how you HAD to have your way, and we always closed our eyes and pushed a "fine" through our teeth.

You tore your fill off the bone and forgot the pack.

My regret is that I never found a way to teach you what the word "brother" meant.

To Fire:
No one ever danced like you, even if it goes without saying. You sang your heart out and tore up your strings for me, even if you didn't know what the words meant to me.

I still smile when I remember how we used to compete. Okay, so maybe the girl with the brown and the blues smiled at you. Maybe.

But, when you burned the brightest was when we were in the snow, when the wolves descended and we ascended.

Earth deserved your father. Egoless. Empathetic. Generous. He had more sons than blood would admit.

I love you, brother.

To the Sun:
You guided me when I wandered. You protected me when I was defenseless and then you taught me how to defend myself. You taught me how to love to love, hate to hate, love to hate, and hate to love. You showed me how to be something I wasn't before. You taught me how to be a god.

And then you smiled and didn't say a word.

And then I had the strength to smile back and teach death that even he had something to fear.

From Time:
I've had a journey, and that's not a complaint. I've asked the right number of questions, which is a number that doesn't exist. I've learned infinitely fewer answers. I found my real family among the stars and blood, and over the music.

I can assure you that I am not the final truth, and neither are my siblings. We are still part of only this local reality. But, if I ever had a "boss" that cared, it has never sent me a memo.

I only ever saw smiles at the summit of purpose.
Written in the perspective of the main character of my first novel.
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Violet-Minds Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Mind. Phucking. Blown.

And before this instant, I have not yet allowed it.


I'm exploding.
NevaehBluden Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
very pagan/wiccan in thought through the elements. much kudos :)
faerieflute Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2010
Knowing the story behind this,
[and not even the story in its entirety]
makes reading this just that much more amazing.
When I read this the first time, I loved it, but all I saw were the elements.
Now I...see them. And the scenes you told me about.
So amazing.
faerieflute Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2010
"Though, despite the painful ending, you were one of my favorite chapters." is my fav. line, btw.
leyghan Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
This is extraordinarily good. I felt so many different emotions reading this and I know I'll have to come back and read it again and again and that each time I'll discover something new. :+fav:
ripari Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2010
Funny, I'd already faved it. It is extraordinary really. Epic, clever, complex, intriguing. Wonderful piece of writing, in every sense of the word. :)
A bit different from my quiet little walk on the wild side...
and I think the parallels to my Tempest, such as they are, are really interesting.
FakeKraid Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I mean...Susan Coffey is pretty hot, to be perfectly fair. Like, dA's top twenty, at least.
Craazhy Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2010  Professional Writer

Nature's totally overreacting. =D
FakeKraid Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Anyway, neither her nor Nature responds if you message them, so what the hell. Women aren't worth the trouble.
SweetBlackRose13 Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Yus, I've read it, but never felt that I understood well enough to comment on it. But let's give this a try, shall we? I understand what this means to you, so this might get a little long. Feel free to disregard anything/everything.

To Lightning; this says so much in so few words. Before reading the description, I assumed that they hurt each other in order to make each other better. Pain always has some sort of profit.

Can I get a little personal? Is lighting someone to you? If I apply this to myself, it could be the best friend I used to have who loved to tell me, very harshly, that I wasn't good enough; without giving me space to figure out what I actually was. Of course, we would alter her a little and give her some sort of actual wisdom. Or it would be my boyfriend, who destroyed me over and over and ended up showing me what love is, in all definitions of it.

Anyway, the line is effective and thought-provoking, as you can see. :P I think that the only thing you could do with it is take that comma out. It doesn't technically need to be there.

To Sound: Nostalgic, sad. A lost love that you know will never be retrieved, and I can tell that it's been accepted, though maybe reluctantly.

It makes me wonder, looking at the Sun section, whether it would actually have been better to listen to him. I would never think that way, at least, I don't think so, because it would mean regretting love. But I have to wonder if that's what you meant. Then again, you did end with its last line.

The third line makes me think of an angsty, teenage sort of love. I wonder if that's how it was. Funloving rather than desperate.

To Nature: I do like how the strongest love is nature. Nature, which is literally everything. Mistress of colors, beautiful. :) And I like the clever little, "only I know what forever means."
"You were a dream in many a sense." - Past tense, here. I wonder why.

(Oh, and the Susan Coffey thing made me laugh. :))

To Darkness and Moon; "alas." Does that mean you shoud have kept your eyes closed? Does that mean that nothing came from your imaginings, from your dreams?

To Water: Oh, I just love this part. Loove it.
But the last line brings such questions, and I can't help feeling throughout all this that everything is lost, everything is dead. Either literally or figuratively.

To Fire: "when the wolves descended and we ascended." Mmm. That sums it up, doesn't it. :heart:

"I love you, brother." The girls didn't get those words, not like that. But the brother did. I think that's really important. This is a love story, but not a romance. That's really special.

To Sun: The real father figure, huh. Or brother, a second, figurative one.
"smile back and taught death that even He had something to fear."

I'm loving the theme of triumph, mixed with the feeling of loss. (Like I said, it sounds like everyone is dead; and I see in the description that two of them do die.)
Just a side note, though, I did notice while copying that line here that "taught" should probably be "teach." No? Parallel structure or some grammatical thing like that.

From Time: "I found my real family" - Just beautiful. Simple, with infinite emotion. There's nothing more important than famiy.

You set Time as a god, but even he doesn't really know what's going on. He's caught in circumsance just like everyone else. They all are. I can feel so much struggle in this piece, which is the key to a good story.

The last line is perfect.

There, I tore apart your piece. I'll be back to talk about it as a whole, but for now I need to head back to my NaNo (and..... mayyybe.. my homework.)
VampiricBunny Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2010
this is amazing, but i am sure you know this. it comes in doses that i swallow, and understand, and the philosophy of swallowing elements is profound. this is written well and i love how you give ethereal beings flesh.
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I nodded, I smiled, and - I was left wondering.
Good :)
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rlkirkland Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:thumbsup: ~ :)
Rabadenzo Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I like this poem, it's quite cryptic and nice, although a bit vauge. And people have to seek their own interpretation. Ah, and the little insidejoke about Susan Cofey was quite funny.
brassteeth Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2010
Nice work. Very fluid and languid and enormously urbane. Well Done.
openhandedsmiles Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2010   Writer
I admire your persistence. My oldest stories are the ones that give me the most trouble.

I love the voice, and certain phrases in this piece. It's clear you know a lot about your own characters and themes, and that is impressive. :)

Aro-chan Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
What an interesting peice! I don't have much feedback, except that it could have used a bit more description. Although the idea was brilliant you could have involved the reader more dramatically.
CordeliaKitsune Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010   Writer
Such a sensational piece. I love the bit on Sound.
TheMaidenInBlack Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010

THIS , is a poem called Canticle of the Sun, by Saint Francis of Assisi. I got reminded of it, while reading this work of yours and although his is obviously inspired by religious beliefs and yours doesn't seem like being guided by those, maybe you'll like reading it. There is the English translation in the link, of course.

Apart from that... I really really liked the way you talked with elements as if they were friends, relatives, persons. :clap: Beautiful indeed.
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TheMaidenInBlack Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010
LOL well it depends on the point of view. Some would despise his simply because it's said from a Christian point of view... (I'm not a believer, however I do find it nicely written)...

:giggle: But I like yours because it's simply said out of "your own" belief, and not the one in a God. Saint Francis was a bit biased. :roll: So even if meter was beautiful, words put together nicely and all that... it's not something I would go and read out of my own will, I guess. ;P
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TheMaidenInBlack Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010
:heart: I love our group too. It's exceeding my best expectations, and as an admin, that's saying a lot.

OH LOL. You know, a lot of people calls me Joseph, by mistake.

Apart from that, that's a very interesting thing. I'd never have thought there was such a huge background behind it, nor that each of them had names... very insightful and you did well to include it. It does seem to give the whole story some sort of realism...
MadJackalDelta Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010  Student Writer
I loved it.
Mrs-Sin Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010

I'm in a bit of a predicament here; I read this, and my thought was immediately: "OMG THAT'S AMAZING I HAVE TO COMMENT!"

And now that I'm here, all I can do is put an emoticon and rant at how my oh-so-rich vocabulary is failing me.

Wonderful, my dear, this piece, is simply exquisite.
CurseUDifferentOnes Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010

Very well done! At first I thought it was about a boyfriend and girlfriend, then it turned into a brother/sister thing. I'm not sure if that's what you intended, but it is very well-written. Since third grade? Wow. I've had stories in my head for a long time, but never that long.
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CurseUDifferentOnes Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010
You never know. It could be a good book. Under the Dome by Stephen King is over 1,000 pages long, so it could work.
Piscesandthediamonds Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my. This is so lovely. It sprung a sunrise into my chest :heart:
Bunneh-World Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2009
I'm so stunned, I can't even come up with a decent comment. You did such a fabulous job. I am recommending this for a Daily Deviation ASAP. :clap:
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Bunneh-World Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2009
It has been suggested. :) I hope you get the reward you deserve~
Aleakim-Selphorian Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
So few comments? So few favorites?? What is this doing without a DD?!!

"And then I had the strength to smile back and taught death that even He had something to fear." My favorite line. :)
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Aleakim-Selphorian Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
(How would I got about doing that? :D)
Words-In-A-Needle Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2009  Student Artist
I am completely and utterly speechless...

This is...Oh my gosh...I can't even explain.

I love it.
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